Classes 3 & 4

Agh!! I meant to blog before now, but last week I was a little busy with the arrival of my niece☺ Okay, so to update on my previous 2 classes…week 3 was about losses and gains. We discussed developmental stages throughout life and what a person looses and gains in the process. We talked about how a child who is removed from their home deals with this great loss and the grieving process that ensues: shock & denial, anger, depression/despair, & finally acceptance/understanding. Some key points I jotted down during this class:
*Biggest fear the child has coming in is another loss…they will test us to see if we’ll stick around.
*May have a “honeymoon period” where everything is going great with a child and then 2 to 4 weeks in their behaviors get worse.
*I need to become a Loss Expert…which means identifying grieving behaviors and finding out the underlying problem (ex: They get sad around their birthday, etc)


Week 4 was about Attachment~the affectionate and emotional tie between people that continues indefinitely over time and lasts even when people are geographically apart. Key things I took away from this meeting include:
*I need to be honest with the child about their case plan…say “I am your family for now” vs. “Forever Family”.
* I am not to discourage them from calling me “momma” if that’s the title they so choose.
*It’s a good thing for them to learn to attach to people…even if it’s for a brief time.
* A child needs consistency & predictability…when they express a need try to meet it physically and emotionally…they not only need food, but need to be talked to, held, loved in order to grow☺
*I will get exhausted pouring everything I can into this child…especially because most of it will not be retained at the beginning, and I may feel like I am not succeeding or helping them☹ Therefore, I will need help from family, friends, church, other foster families, social worker, etc. in order to re-fill our cups, recharge our batteries, and keep us going...thank goodness I have a GREAT support system!
* I should begin a Lifebook for the foster child that includes school work, drawings, pictures, birthday cards, etc. because a lot of them experience “memory gaps.”

We also did an exercise in which we closed our eyes and pretended that we were being removed from our home. It was very emotional! I just can’t stop thinking that no matter what has happened to a child, inevitably they are being removed from all they’ve ever known, and usually without any warning. Such an extremely difficult thing as an adult to imagine, much less to actually happen to a child!

And I am actually leaning towards starting out in respite care at first. I was feeling guilty about not just taking on a child full-time as soon as I could get one. I’m not doubting my decision to do foster care in any way, however, I think it might honestly benefit the child that I do eventually get for a semi-permanent time if I have some experience caring for them under my belt. I'm usually an all or nothing type of gal, but baby-stepping into this would not be the worst thing in the world! My heart could change, but right now it’s what I’m thinking☺